Sunday, December 3, 2017

The Story Of German Sausage...



i was driving in my car and this song comes on the radio... it’s that song from the movie JERSEY BOYS...  “oh what a night”...  so upbeat.. so jolly...  so happy... and suddenly something brings me right back to a moment ..  flash back moment i associated that song with an experience i had a couple years back... with a guy infamously nicknamed...

he was one of those guys... who i had a really great instant online connection with... we shared alot of things in common (kink wise)... and also philosophy and ideas of what a great relationship should be... and as pointed out in a blog post i did a long time ago that briefly included him... somehow... all the starts aligned for us to meet up in KL...and he was flying all the way from germany... during my birthday out of all coincidences... 

i was having a milestone birthday that year... and i decided to do something wild and adventurous... i guess... so i decided i should go there and have some fun... knowing damn well that he was in a committed relationship... not exactly an open relationship but guys will be guys... and i threw out one of my principle criteria’s out the window... and that was to never be involved with a guy in a relationship...

on the day we met... he personally wore a black tanktop... just for me... and that put such a BIG GRIN on my face... ! (sigh)...

he was nice...
he was kind...
he was gentle... and my god was he a gentleman...
he was talkative...
he was caring...

he was kind...

he was nice...

and nice guys don’t come into my life very often... and suddenly i had this one...  right before me... but astoundingly aware that he was here... not only for me... but as a vacation... without his significant other... and knowing that he was also meeting other boys for "fun"...

call me stupid for just letting myself over think and dream about things and possibilities that could happen... even as far as thinking that he leaving his partner to be with me... ( a real stretch i know..) but that was how i felt about the whole situation...

i honestly had such a good time with him... and more importantly ... WE had a good time together... he even remembered that it was my birthday and got me a little gift... a box of strawberry yogurt covered chocolate bars... that left a very sweet lingering and sentimental taste in my heart for him...

i even got a little choked up and teary eyed when it was time for me to go and leave for the airport... thinking to myself... “man... he is such a great guy.... if only we could be boyfriends”...

***

we stayed in touch for a bit after that... then not surprisingly we stopped contacting each other... (here is where the “poof into a cloud of dust” moment comes in)...

i sent him this pic because it illustrated him and me so perfectly...

and he never replied...

almost exactly a year later... i found out through snooping around on his facebook page... that he was in KL yet again...  almost in disbelief and confusion... i wondered why he didn’t even tell me he was comming down again... my first initial thought was that maybe he was here with his partner... or maybe he just didn’t enjoy the time we spent together ?... that was highly improbable.. but not impossible ?... or maybe i really was just a trick to him... but then again... wasn’t i ??? ... but i'm honestly certain we shared something much more special than just a few kinky nights together?... (and the thoughts just kept on flowing...) incoherently driving my mind up the wall of CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND...

i was bitter... and deep down ... so angry about it... yet scared at the same time... for how can someone could say things to your face like “this feeling like heaven” and ... “that was the most amazing orgasm of my life”... to ... “ i’m going to miss u so much...” ... to just making me feel like i never even existed... 

if my walls weren’t already up... my walls were definitely FORTIFIED after that... and to add insult to injury... on a completely different note altogether...  another guy i knew ...known as the infamous “J”... suddenly un friended me on facebook... after i wrote a POEM about me being happy for him...

WTF ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

2 blows around the same time... got me all dazed and horrified at how guys that you can invest so much of yourself into... over the years... could just simply... throw you away ?

i was so depressed... i lost all hope... i lost all faith in humanity... i was so bewildered by it all that i almost quit my job because i was just so unhappy.... 

i wanted to retire... 

from life... 

then and there... 

and maybe that’s why it has taken me this long to write about german sausage... because... the memories i have of him and the experience... were so amazing ... yet heart breaking... through it all...

i will always remember him... because this was the one and only time i took snaps of our moments of kinky passion as per his request... 


funny how a man could be bound and compromised... yet... i was truly the one at the mercy of him...

:-(

2 comments:

fantus said...

you have a beautiful heart!!! I am happy beyond words to know you!!

N!LoC said...

:-/

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