Saturday, November 18, 2017

More Thoughts...





we finally met... in person... face to face...

i honestly wasn’t even sure it was gonna be worth my while to hop on a plane on considerably short notice and make a trip just to meet up... but there was this little voice in my head that kept telling me that i should...to just take a chance... and find out if the chance was worth taking...

when it came time for us to meet up... i remember the moment he texted me "turn around"... and when i did... i saw him for the first time... this vision of surprisingly tall...not as dark as i though he would be... and almost handsome :-P 

he was nice to me... a gentleman in most ways... and he couldn’t stop complimenting me...

(and you know how i am with compliments...it takes at least 2 working days to process them)

what jilted me a little was when kept staring at me ... for long seconds at a time what felt like eternity...talking about my eyes and how amazingly beautiful they were... until he mentioned ...

“it’s like Aladdin”... looking into princess jasmine’s eyes for the first time like...


i mean... c’mon... as corny as that was...i just didn't believe that... though it was nice for someone to reference a Disney movie... let alone... be indirectly referenced as the Disney princess.... ?  hihihihihihihihiih 

who am i kidding... i LOVE!!!  being referred to as a Disney princess.... it’s every little girl’s dream... well my dream has a little more kinky complexity to it but... that’s another blog post altogether...

anyways...

some things did happen...

some things almost happened...

and some things didn’t happen...

it was a smorgasbord of emotions for me... i was careful ... maybe a little too careful.. with all that i’ve been through in similar situations like these in the past... who could blame me?

after all was said and done... i was coming out from this trip with more thoughts on my mind...

i honestly don’t know what can come to fruition from here on...  no plans set in stone... just an imaginary future from my part mostly... it would be amazing if we were both living much closer to each other...but that’s just wishful thinking at its best i suppose...

if he really was living closer to me...  my personal life would definitely take a drastic turn for the better... and perhaps my love life could actually even start to exist... 

i don’t really believe that THAT could happen... because i just don’t think i can even BELIEVE it...

or maybe... i just won’t LET myself believe it... for some weird reason...  i wonder why ?

but what i have taken from this experience is a sense of renewed hope... it was gone for quite a while... i kinda killed it with my own bare hands... but with him... it seems to be back ... faintly... 

but it’s there...

i can feel it...

if i can just make myself believe that i can be happy... one day...

(lifting up my glass of rose’)... cheers to wishful thinking...

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Thoughts...



i was in this quirky vintage store just the other day... and i came across this book called the “magic notebook for answers”...

and the sales lady told me that to read this book...i had to ask it any question... and the book would have the answer...and so i did...

i asked.... 

“will i ever find love.... ?”

then i flipped to a page... and it read...



(sigh...) i kinda knew that my love life is on a one way train to lonely hermit island... but c’mon... you gotta admit that fate or whoever or whatever is out there is definitely screwing with me... and it certainly has one heck of a sense of humour... and of course i took it with a grain of salt...

but you know... weirdly enough... as i was mildly insulted by that Stupid book... i took a step back to realise that the song playing in the background.. was desperado...

and the lyrical line of that moment was... 

“you better let somebody love you... before it’s too late”

i took that as a serious sign...

because over the course of one night and day... i started thinking... thinking about things i never bothered to think about before... and these thoughts were so new to me...

6 years since first knowing him on gays.com... we finally...



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