Saturday, June 18, 2016

Walls...



at the age of **... i have contemplated numerous times if i’m just destined to be single forever... Once you’ve reached a certain age and still seem no nearer to finding that one life partner, you really begin to wonder...

and the fact that ive never actually had a “real’” relationship... let alone ... a “real” boyfriend... EVER... my one and only relationship was an online - long distance one... and like hoping for a day where we don’t live in a world with bigotry and hate...i really wonder if i should just be chasing a different dream...

every day that passes.. i resign myself to that conclusion that perhaps it won’t ever happen for me... but i wasn’t always this way.... i’ve had the whole “fairy- tinker bell- rainbows and butterflies- love can move mountains- everyone has a soul mate” mentality since i was a little boy... but basically i’ve been there... tried it.... got hurt... 1 2 MANY TIMES..... 

i guess it saves me alot of precious time , money and energy to not focus on getting out there anymore...  looking for love for me has been a painful experience...  unbelievably ... eye openingly...disillusioningly ... c r a z y (for a lack of a better word)....

i may not be scrolling around gay app town looking for it like i did just a few short years ago... but it is simply unrealistic for me to keep on trooping on to hoping one sweet day i will find love... 

but until then... my heart will remain open... (though not as quite open as before)... because walls come up to protect yourself ... and i now finally understand why people do that...


1 comment:

fantus said...

I am happy it is not closed and bricked over!!!

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