Sunday, September 27, 2015

Behind The Writing : Crash...



Crash ~ originally posted on 22nd May 2015

yes... i got into a little yet scary 3 way car accident... and i was rendered helpless...

i didn't know what to do... i kept my composure... i didn't freak out... i handled it as well as i could have... i wasn't hurt or anything... i was basically numb and not feeling anything really... like i didn't get HIT from behind at all...

but the hero that came to my rescue was in a form of a boyfriend.... SOMEONE ELSE'S BOY FRIEND!!!!

a workmate just so happened to be passing by the same road  and so that's how my saving grace began... her boyfriend took charge in every way... escorted me to the nearest police station to make a report... coached me what to say in the report interview... he made sure that the other party didn't take advantage of me... 

he helped fix up the loose bumper and mud guard on my car.... (remember... all this while in the pouring rain)... he then gave me advice on where and how much it should cost to repair the damage of my car... and that he would offer to help call the other party just to check if they gave their correct contact number...

he took charge ... he took care... he gave me the helping hand that i have never really been accustomed to receiving... and by the end of the night.. after i was in bed ready to go to sleep...

it all hit me...

it really "HIT" me... like... crash... boom BANG!

i realized that i really do need a MAN in my life... 


Friday, September 25, 2015

Behind The Writing : Screw You...



Screw You ~ originally posted on 15th dec 2014

it was a very literally poem i wrote... and it was basically out of anger... and it is about the same guy that i had a SIN time with ... 

i still don't even want to dive into the details of how i got played.. or even cheated... and used... i thought i could write about it... but as I'm trying to compose this post... it just seems to be a waste of my energy to re jog all the memories that led up to that event full experience with him ...

my flight was booked and the hotel was already paid for... so there was really no backing out of it... i just went ahead with it and i really did have a good time in the end... despite crying my eyes out like a little baby in the corner at the airport after it all sank in that i just got played... 

i still have no regrets though... 

Monday, September 21, 2015

Behind The Writing : How Do I Feel?...





this one... obvious isn't it? 

it's about a guy... no surprise there... 

a guy who i dedicated the entire month of march 2015 just writing about our wonderful time together in... "SIN"...

and there is so much more behind the silver lining... 

i got so into him fast and hard... and this poems only depicts the very early stage of what i was feeling at that time... so much promise... so much inspiration... that i could start dancing to any song that came on my itunes shuffle play list...

i was so into him... and i thought he was so into me...

Little did i know... i got played in a very dishonest / checking his phone while he was in the shower / Epiphany / i can't believe this is happening to me / kinda feeling...

yet i had no idea he was such a dick when i wrote this poem...

i was just asking myself... really... "how do i feel ?"...


Saturday, September 19, 2015

Behind The Writing : 2 Simple Questions...



2 Simple Questions ~ originally posted on 8th august 2015

what can i say?

after some time & well needed experience on social gay apps... i came to learn that it is highly crucial for me to ask those 2 questions before i get into anything with anyone... it's like my own little pre requisite test that they need to pass...

they don't need to be above average looking ,have a steady career, be within a certain weight and height range, or located within a certain distance from me...  no... all i need to know is.... if they are gay and single....

simple as that... they answer yes to both... and they pass with flying colors and get the green light for me to go all sweetie flirty tooch chatting with them..

if they are bi... that's still a pass in my book ... but at least i know upfront that they have a tendency to look for pussy and boobies...god knows i can never compete with a girl....  (sigh...)...  I CAN BARELY EVEN COMPETE WITH THE BOYS!!!

so yeah... one particular guy ... oh he was great... living in the same country with me... such a gentleman... and a doctor!!! oooo ... oh... but unfortunately i wasted almost 2 weeks of my sweetness on him... even exchanging some revealing & provocative selfies being caught up in the midst of it all...

and yet somewhere down the road... it just popped up out of nowhere... that he has a bf.... 

GOD!!!! I FELT SO STUPID!!!!....

and i had no one to blame but myself....

i just unassumingly presumed with the first few lines of our initial conversation....

**i think he took the hint and knew i wasn't that into him anymore once he dropped the BF bomb on me... and my soundtrack of the moment was "shake it off ... shake it off" !!!! and even did the whole crazy ally mcbeal dance in my room...


Monday, September 14, 2015

Behind the Writing : One Week...



One Week ~ originally posted on 15th march 2015

i was explaining my frustration out in rhyme... and it was about not one... not two ... but THREE... different guys altogether...

the body of this poem is basically about a guy i know from a gay app... and he seemed to be a contender for Mr "almost" right... but as it turned out to be... within a week.... things took a dive for the worse... and the reality of it all is basically .... sigh... drama seemed to be the main attraction whenever we chatted...

* in the second verse... i was talking about another guy where within a week... he went all 180 on me all  because he couldn't handle that i liked "kink"... it was more that he couldn't handle that i liked to be the one in control.... lol ... (don't ever judge this book by the cover)  lol !

** and in the third verse... i am talking about my SIN full experience with a guy who i thought was what i was looking for... 

and in the last verse... i'm summing things up ... 

it's just the story of my life...

:-/


Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Behind The Writing : Somebody To Love...




Somebody To Love ~ Originally posted on 12th July 2015

when it seems that i have tried everything there is to try... even to the point of signing up with a gay matchmaking service... i still find myself without a better half to call my own...

i hit a few successive low points during this time and wrote this while being inspired from a certain "kacey musgraves" song...

you know the true feeling of being alone... when you feel & then realize that maybe there really isn't anybody out there for you... and that is a scary thought...

and what's with the doggy pic?

haha.. well... it was around the same time i had to let go of my doggy... and give it up for adoption... and to think... i actually got my dream dog... (a golden retriever) thinking that it would keep me company and distract me from my wanting a guy... boy oh boy that was a foolish thought...

a dog... no matter how adorable and cute it may be... could never fill the void of wanting a man in my life...

:-(

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Behind The Writing : Fantasy's Aftermath...



Fantasy's Aftermath ~ originally posted on 20th april 2015


(after having an epic orgasm via kinky porn video...)


i fell in love with a PORN star... 

i fell in love with the thought of MAKING KINKY LOVE to that porn star...

then snapped myself out of la la land ... back into reality....

and wondered / obviously realized ...

that i will probably never ever get a chance to do something like that with someone like that...

** yes... that is the actual screen snap of the video that made me go (sigh...)

:-/

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Behind The Writing : Complete Ecstasy...



Complete Ecstasy ~ originally posted on 13th january 2015


well... this was basically something i wrote after wanking to a porn video... 

(one of many many kinky ones i have in my vault of porn)...

my mind can wander to many imaginative places as i wank...

and sometimes the lines between fantasy and reality can get a little blurry...

oh this was a time of full inspiration... hmmmm i think even before i had my very first physical kinky experience with a guy...

oh i'm such a late bloomer...

:-P


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Behind The Writing : Inspration Lost...



Inspiration Lost ~ originally posted on 24th February 2015

i was at my wit's end with writing... i had nothing to write about... i had nothing to look forward to...

i was so numb to any feeling even when i played my fav mariah songs... it was that bad...

but i decided to start up my writing mojo again little by little... and tried to do things a little differently...

didn't pressure myself to put out 10 posts a month... tried to do micro blogging... just posting thoughts when they would come to me... usually in the middle of the night when i was still in bed half asleep...

and now... i can gladly say.. that i can write... when i write... if and when i feel like writing...

but still writing for that one true inspiration.... that can only come from my one true goal in life...

GET A F@%^!&# BOYFRIEND !!!!!!


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