Thursday, December 31, 2015

500th Blog Post...



This is my 500th blog post....and the very last one of 2015....

pondering on the things that have happened this past year... oh dear... the highlights … and lowlights of it all...hmmmm let's see...

** I had a sinful time back in february... that was nice... and horrible at the same time...

** I met a guy and had an incident where I thought I was going to be raped... (thank god I wasn't)

** finally deleted all my gay apps once and for all... (well except for recon... I think i'll always have recon with me that app holds a very special place in my kinky heart...)

** met up with 2 of my facebook friends in person for the 1st time... which was nice... (made me realize that meeting in person is important if you truly wanna get to know a person... nothing at all compared to chatting behind the comfort of you phone screen)

** went through the horrific ordeal of a bad case of food poisoning which lead to a salmonella-paratyphi fever (a milder version of typhoid fever) but still felt like I was dying... gosh... and 4 months later... i'm still feeling the after effects and toll it has taken on my body... still on the road to 100% recovery...

** had a big landmark birthday... and spent it by having “fun” abroad ... oddly enough... I never wrote a post about it... hmmmm....


** fell into a big slump of a depressing period... and I think I have just only recently come out of it after having a light bulb moment... and hey... “if it happens... it happens”...

**a lot to look forward to next year... i really really want to see shania twain in concert (apparently her farewell tour at last)... i also really really want to meet "this guy" even if just for a day... and who knows what else can happen... as someone once said to me...

"the possibilities are endless"...

:-)



Monday, December 28, 2015

Snap 2.0...





 this snap does not do him any justice... cuz man oh man... from the front... his chest was glistening in sweat and oh......no words....(faints**)

wouldn't it be great if i had a guy i could go strolling in the park with and just enjoy the private view of his beautiful'ness of his tank top?... (sigh**)

:-(

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Friends...



last Christmas... a dream of mine...came true... (to go on a date with a guy who’s wearing a tank top)... snap exhibit  “A” ...

and it was quite clear from midway through our conversation that i was not his type... and at first sight to me ... he was kinda hot ... but we didn’t have much in common and didn’t really click ... physical / mental chemistry or romantically otherwise...

never thought i would see him again... but after re appearing out of the blue after a few months of silence.. he asked me out for a drink again... i really had nothing more exciting to do during my weekends so i just went ahead with it... and we both went from there....

conversations never really picked up and i guess i was just listening to him bitch about his life out of politeness...  and then somewhere down the road.. it was really obvious that were both fell into the “friends zone” and that was fine with me... i really didn’t have anybody to go out with to catch a movie or just to get out of the house... and i thought that this was the only friend i had from outside the workplace... i wasn't his type... and i didn't have any attraction to him whatsoever... 

coffee dates... the occasional movie night and even a window shopping day were the things i did with him... completely and mutually platonic...   

or so i thought....

a year later... this xmas time around... we went to watch starwars : the force awakens... and halfway through the movie... i felt his hand creep in slowly over to my seat... and made its way over to my upper thigh...  he kept looking over to me.... and i kept thinking to myself.. that this can’t possibly be happening... we are FRIENDS!... why would he want to do this... ? now!?... in the sleaziest way possible!  i think it’s barely a step above making out in a public toilet cubicle!!!

i looked over to him.. and saw his sleazy smile... and all i could think was that i really didn’t know the person sitting right next to me at all... so i put my hands on my crotch and prevented his creepy hands from going any further...

honestly i was scared... it totally caught me off guard... and i was put in a very uncomfortable position... and i was just being myself... the polite little shy guy that didn’t want to cause a scene...  
and this only solidifies that hard fact that i have always believed in ... and that is.... 

2 gay guys could never really be just...


Friends :-(

Friday, December 25, 2015

Oh Santa...


all i want for Christmas is you ?

“you”... being the operative word... someone i have yet to have... a man i have been dreaming of my whole life...

i have come to the realization in a previous post... that maybe you can’t really find it... maybe it has to find you?... but what if it never does?...

and that's the cold harsh reality that i also have come to terms with... i know i am ready to live this life all by myself... (i don’t want to...) but if those are the cards i am dealt with... well...then just so be it...

some people are just destined to live a life alone...scary as it sounds... i am ready... to put on a brave front... and just live... or at least try...


oh santa... (sigh...)

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Happens...



when it happens... it happens...

if it happens... it happens...

will it happen ? I sure hope so...

if it doesn't...

it happens :-(


~ by N!LoC ~

Monday, December 7, 2015

Hello...

                                                  Life imitating art...

at this moment with the whole adele craze with her “hello” song... perhaps inspired the stars in the universe to align and reappear... making some past memories come back around... and some reconnecting again...

iv'e had 4 guys reach out to me again (after a long period of silence) within this “hello” time frame... of which hello is still being the hottest song on the billboard hot 100 charts...

  • a guy I had a sinful time with earlier this year...
  • a guy I kinda have a love/hate thing with...
  • a guy (who could have been) said “hello” …. (to tell me he has a new bf)...
  • a guy I have missed... but no point in missing because he has a legit partner...
  • and a guy who inspired this poem...

it's funny how at times throughout my life... these sort of things happens together with the soundtrack of the moment...



Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Snap 2.0...


8.15 am ..at mc donald's waiting for my apple pie and iced chocolate...

sigh.... to bad he wasn't available on the breakfast menu...

Friday, November 27, 2015

Snap 2.0...


was at the airport .... looking at the duty free shops.... 
duty free.... sigh....

Saturday, November 14, 2015

If Only...



If only love could find us all... 
If only hearts didn't have to fall... 
We can't mislead to make things right... 
So instead we'll sleep alone tonight...

And if somehow fate were in my hands... 
Would it be enough to understand ?...
Why we feel lost in a world so small... 
If only love could find us all...

~ by The Calling ~

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Snap 2.0...


it was almost like....

love......

at first sight....

driving on my way to the park... i saw this guy from a distance.... (yes... while i was still driving)... i squealed in delight "TANK TOPPP!!!!"

YIPPE!!!!!!!!

parked ... and got out as fast as i could... then power-walked my way over to him...

a guy in a tank top makes me happy.... it makes me smile... oh ... if only life was just that simple... the simple equation of happiness....

?

IF ONLY LIFE WAS THAT SIMPLE!!!!!!!....

1- get a guy of my own...

2- make him wear a tank...

3- then i can die happy...


Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Happy...



today a cute guy at work just put his arm around me...

(my heart skipped 2 beats...literally)

for a moment there... i was feeling happy...

then my mind wandered to silly places dreaming about all the possibilities...

then naturally i do the obvious and stalk him on FACEBOOK...

seeing a picture of him at the beach in a TANKTOP made my heart skip another beat...

(making me feel light headed now with the lack of heart beats & oxygen to my brain)

i tried to look past the fact that he is basically a whole decade younger than me...

then i saw the part about him : "interested in WOMEN"...

sigh....

at least i was happy while it lasted...

** this is just another example of life imitating art imitating life... #crazyexgirlfriend:-)


Monday, November 9, 2015

The Toilet Dream...




in a previous post... "I Had A Dream..." ... in which i had a dream about being in a toilet... and peeing... and it has been a recurring repertoire of dreams i have been having all my life... so i googled the meaning of toilets in dreams and i found it quite astounding...

  • "If you find the restroom, you may discover there are others waiting and there no doors on the stalls or no stalls at all. Having no privacy, you are forced to do your business in font of others. In this case you may be feeling you don't have enough time to yourself or you have no personal space in waking life. If you are reluctant to take care of business in front of others you may be afraid to tell others how you really feel or to let others see you as you really are. If you can relieve yourself in front of others, you are unconcerned about what others may think of you.
  • A dirty bathroom may be sign you are repressing a lot of negative emotions or you may be dealing with a lot of negative energy or negative, toxic people in waking life."
    • "The toilet itself may be dealing with your ability or inability to eliminate problems, relationships, emotions, etc. If the toilet won't flush or is clogged, you may be unwilling or unable to release your emotions or express yourself. An overflowing toilet may represent an emotional outburst or you may be feeling overwhelmed by your emotions and the stresses in life."
    (yup... that basically sums it up ...)
  • :-/

Sunday, November 8, 2015

A Beautiful Day...



the rain just finished pouring down... now the clouds are calm and kind...

a little sun peeking through this late afternoon...

i sweep the patio floor which feels almost therapeutic...then have a seat outside... feeling the cool gentle breeze caress my skin... put out my little jambox and play a little josh turner... a song called “this kind of love”... and i think about my life...

i take out my netbook to write this down cuz i’m trying to write in the moment...

yeah i may feel sad, depressed, bittersweet and hopeless but it sure doesn’t deter me from acknowledging that ...


damn... it’s a beautiful day...

Saturday, November 7, 2015

I Had A Dream...



that i was attending a lavish party at a mansion very similar to the one depicted in that movie..."THE GREAT GATSBY"...

and just like most of my recurring dreams... i ended up needing to use the toilet to pee... and i caught my suddenly enclosed in a very tight bathroom space ... peeing away... with walls so low that i could even peek out onto... (and i was peeing into an almost over flowing toilet bowl... sheesh!)

i peeked out and i saw... "eddie murphy" ...sitting in the opulent living room... on one side...

and i also saw... "donkey"..... (from SHREK) sitting across from him on a grand chair fit for a king... and they were talking  to each other... doing comedic sparring...

**POOF.....

i woke up....

(that was just too weird)...

:-/

Friday, November 6, 2015

I Had A Dream...




that i was spider man...

a very very evil one ....

and i was gonna kill 3 of my x classmates from my childhood days...

and i think i killed them by using my web of white spidey stringy thingy and dangled them from an overhead bridge above a busy highway...

and i was enjoying every second of it...

:-)




Saturday, October 31, 2015

Call It Quits...



i wake up everyday...
wondering what am i to do...
check my phone so constantly...
in hopes of finding someone new...
i go to work ... i go to bed...
i try to live my life...
i’m past the point of “give a damm”...
and all my tears are cried...

i can just go on like this...
or raise my hands and call it quits...
i could try and try... every single day...
but love won’t find me either way...

it’s been so long since i’ve felt...
anything within these songs...
don’t feel happy, sad or hurt...
force myself to sing along...
i used to dance... lip sync away...
and crack the perfect smile...
just had enough of all this fuss... of...
“top, bottom or versatile?”

i can just go on like this...
or raise my hands and call it quits...
i could try and try... every single day...
but love won’t find me either way...

~ by N!LoC ~

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

500 Likes...



500 "likes" on my GAY Blogs facebook page... (it was a long road to get there... and it finally did... wow... what a feeling...)

Monday, October 12, 2015

Gut Instincts...





then in perfect fashion within my "One Week" time frame... something unexpected happened...






something already felt off... like this was the most spontaneous thing that i have ever encountered... and he didn't even want to ask about hotels in town... he didn't even flinch for a second when i told him about my love for KINK...  (something was definitely fishy... and my gut kept telling myself... it was just too good to be true...)

** why the hell would he want to go back to the UK from kuala lumpur? .. it would be so much easier and closer if he went off directly from china right?... (fishy fishy)

then that sunday morning... the day he supposedly was at kuala lumpur international airport... i received a call from a woman... claiming to be an airport officer... and she said he had 73,000 BRITISH POUNDS on him and now all his belongings are in custody...



he called my phone and we talked for the very first time... and he sounded like he had such a DEEP MIDDLE EASTERN ACCENT!!!!! (fishy fishy......)

i called the airport officer again and asked about the situation... and she was so bloody rude... and said the only way to clear this is to pay t he compound fee... and i asked why can't he just pay cash there? i mean..if this was some sort of bribe... wouldn't you want to get CASH????? he has bluddy 73,000 BRITISH POUNDS on him for god's sake.., and they are not letting him take his money to pay for the compound??

i then promptly investigated this fishy-ness by saying ok.... i'll pay the compound... and how do i bank in the money ??..... and then the airport officer gave me this information...


first of all... that's not a bank account of an airport or government registered company... it's a personal bank account of some guy... puh leeeeeaaazzzzz this had "S C A M" written all over it...


 and thanks to my gut instincts.... which gave me red flags all along the way... the real scammer was him indeed...


Friday, October 9, 2015

Dream Concert Bucket List...




WHITNEY HOUSTON world tour


CHRISTINA AGUILERA back to basics world tour


KYLIE MINOGUE x world tour


MARIAH CAREY Singapore f1 night race


KYLIE MINOGUE Aphrodite world tour


MARIAH CAREY the elusive chanteuse tour

***


CELINE DION Asian tour....(fingers crossed)

SHANIA TWAIN rock this country world tour (it's finally a possibility)

MADONNA rebel heart world tour (still waiting for a date)  **(too bloody EXPENSIVE!)



Tuesday, October 6, 2015

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