Thursday, July 3, 2014

Maybe...



i recently just discovered that a guy that i work with has hit it off with a really pretty girl down at the legal department in our office... and i found it utterly blasphemous!

why??? well call me bitter... or even jealous... but seriously ??? why is it that everyone seems to just have it so easy - to like someone - and then – suddenly – BAMM! they’re officially dating??!!!

(why can’t i seem to do that?)

see... the moment this new girl started working here... everyone teased how pretty she was and how she would be a good fit for that guy... i know it was just all in good humour... but really?? that is just too easy!!!!

with all the recent things that have been happening with me in my personal life... (or lack thereof...) ... i just couldn’t help myself but over analyze the situation as to why can’t i get a firkin boyfriend of my own?

maybe it was because she really just epitomizes the general description of “pretty” so maybe that’s why she gets it easy... like a super "guy magnet"...

or maybe the guy was just so determined to get her and really went after her like... “Aggressively” – (come here baby!) ...kinda rawwr!!?

MAYBE that’s why he was noticeably dressing nicer these days with his new pair of shoes... and new preppy looking polo t’s or even with his new jeans and stuff?.. ( i literally scanned him with my elevator eyes up and down from his flat ass to the hardwood floor and back up again to see how great he looked in his marine blue skinny jeans) and immediately caught myself feeling an inferiority complex kick in...

i thought that maybe if i dressed a little more like him? with a little more pop of color or perhaps lose a little more weight and be skinnier... or whatever stupid thing that my “ugly duckling syndrome” mind could think of while waiting behind him to use the photo copier machine still evidently staring at his skinny blue jeans ...

you know? guys in the past have written me off at first glance... by how i look... or when they see that i act a “certain” way... or find out that i like certain “kinky” stuff... and just most recently... a jerk went all “poof!” (into a cloud of disappearing smoke) on me...at the very first time he heard my predominantly “gay” voice over the phone!!!!!...

(HEY! I CAN’T HELP IT THAT MY “GAY-esque” VOICE IS EXTREMELY MAGNIFIED x 10... OVER THE FRIKIN !!!PHONE!)

and to think... that jerk actually said that he genuinely found me more and more interesting and unpretentious and would really like to go out on a date with me... well... i guess personality and total indifference to physical appearance- preference doesn’t matter at all... If u have an utterly “Gay” voice over the phone!)

yes... ladies and gentlegays... this jerk i’m talking about was actually a fatty and was bald and he was still in his prime 20’s!!! and i totally didn’t mind one bit because he seemed like a perfectly good guy! (or so i thought...)

anyways.... (sigh)... i am trying my best to just not let this get to me... but after countless brutal let-downs and moments of “really?? is this REALLY HAPPENING???”.... i just can’t help but wonder...

the same thing can't possibly happen over and over... time and time and time again....MAYBE there are guys out there (behind all their superficiality and immature nonsense) who are actually decent... but really... i can’t help myself but to honestly wonder if it could really be this plain and simple...

that "maybe"... Just "MAYBE".... there’s just something wrong with...


Me... 

:-( 

6 comments:

fantus said...

so baby steps?????

N!LoC said...

Baby steps to changing myself ?

fantus said...

yes....you have to become more the you ...you need to be!!!

N!LoC said...

;-( so I guess I really am not enough... Sigh... Oh well ...

fantus said...

ok Drama Queen...you are more than enough...just give a little advice...than..bam....you are such a baby boi..always enough for me!!!

N!LoC said...

(Giggle giggle) (giggle giggle)

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