Monday, March 10, 2014

My Time...



when i was a teen... i  had it all planned out...

i was to go to college... totally get a makeover and change myself completely... workout.. lose weight... look sexy without a shirt on... and be hot enough to wear tanktops out in public...

have a group of good looking friends... and come out as a GAY! and have a gorgeous boyfriend who was the perfect picture i always painted in my dreams...

experiment with sex and discover my self ... and yada yada yada... the list goes on...

(well... you know what ?  life doesn’t always go according to plan...)

i am still the very same person... and that is a GOOD thing (depending on how you look at it?)... im very much still in the “closet”... and i do have a drawer of tanktops that i collect but never wear out in public... :-p

i basically have not made any new friends since then... and have yet to meet my gorgeous boyfriend...
and don’t even get me started on the “sex” thing... (it’s like i have a P.H.D in sex & porn research and have vast amounts of knowledge on paper... but still have yet to even take a practical exam) lol....

sigh.... it was supposed to be my time... that’s what being a teen is all about... finding yourself in various ways... experiencing life as it comes...  growing into a young adult and knowing what you want out of life...

my childhood was a nightmare...

my teen years was uneventful (to say the least)...

and now as i near a milestone birthday in a couple of years... i can’t regret all the things i did or didn’t do... i just wished that i could have had the whole boyfriend experience generally like every other person out there...

(yes... i did have an online boyfriend before as so eloquently depicted on this blog...) but ... gosh... i have never even had a “real life FACE TO FACE IN PERSON HOLDING HANDS WAKING UP IN BED TOGETHER READING BODY LANGUAGE FIGHTING AND ARGUING IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT LITTLE GESTURES THAT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE kinda boyfriend” experience... you know what i mean???


sigh... when will it be my time?

2 comments:

fantus said...

I believe it will happen when you become fearless. You need to reinvent yourself a bit.

I pray and hope with you for your time(this is not my organal comment!)

N!LoC said...

:-)

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