Sunday, December 28, 2014

Dreams Come True...




some dreams that came true for me this past year :

**tied up not one... but TWO guys in my ultimate fantasy position (pits and all!) and a dream within a dream was that one of those guys was actually a piece of grade A white meat... a flavour i have always wanted to try before i die... but never thought i’d ever get the chance...  hmmmm some dreams really do come true i guess :-)

**recently went on a date with a sexy guy... in a killer black TANKTOP (by my special request :-P) a simple thing that most people out there take for granted.... ( yes...to meet a guy wearing a black tanktop has always been an unattainable thing to me...)

**saw MARIAH in concert for the second time in my life...  ( it was a trip of a lifetime) & i will always remember it forever...

** and lastly...made a connection with a guy who i nickname “mr 6 pack”... who deserves a shout out because he is an absolute sweetie and one of the nicest guys i have  ever known from any sleazy gay app... (oh and the dream come true part is that i’d never thought i’d ever know a gorgeous guy with a 6 pack ... WITH A BODY OF AN ADONIS who hasn't poofed into a cloud of dust after a week!..... still can't believe it .... really....

and that’s about it...

i do have one dream that has still yet to come true... but i’m still working on that ... just need a little luck and for the winds of fate to magically blow my way at the right place and at the right time...

i don't know what's in store for me in 2015... but here is to "hope".... and i 'hope" that the best is still yet to come...

:-)


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

My Evening Walk...




i saw a guy in a tank top jogging... and waited strategically for him to pass me by... so i could start jogging behind him...

well.. Little did i know how unfit i really was...after chasing him for less than 10 seconds... my sides started to cramp up... 

and so my failed attempt to snap his glistening body in a black tank top ended up with me just snapping the sky...

boo hoo...

:-(


Monday, December 15, 2014

Screw You...



how could i be so foolish...
to just jump right into this with you...
“spontaneous”  is something that i’m not...
yet i thought this was the “dream” come true...

didn’t realize that this was your getaway “fun”...
felt special you wanted to spend it together...
felt used is more what im realizing...
so i’ll wall off and be just “whatever”...

don’t expect me to just give in...
when i now feel nothing at all for you...
this was not the case in the beginning...
when you cut to the chase to pursue...

we chat for about a minute per week....
i don’t think i really even know you...
FOOLISH is what i have always been...
so i’ll  just go on ahead and fucking screw you...

~By N!LoC ~

Friday, December 12, 2014

Snap 2.0...



not just any random guy at the mall...

i actually had drinks with this one...

wow... a dream come true...

really...

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Do You Wanna **** Me...


 


if you wanna hug me
then baby let’s hug
but if you want a kiss
let’s keep it (hush hush)

if you wanna cuddle
let’s cuddle all night long
and if you wanna strum me
play me like a song

if you wanna taste me
baby... lick away
if you wanna smell me
then smell... as you may

we can roll around
naked... in your bed
play some “lost and found”
give you... a little “head”

i can tickle your fantasy
make dreams... a reality
shoot stars... like astronomy
play up... my androgyny

so...

do you wanna hug me?
do you wanna kiss me?
do you wanna touch me?
or 
do you wanna **** me?


  ~ by N!LoC~


Thursday, December 4, 2014

Snap 2.0...


don't let that pony tail fool ya... he is one hot dude.... :-p

Monday, December 1, 2014

I Had A Dream...


la la la....

That I...
(was a sexy female singer with soft straight long black flowy hair that went all  the way down to the floor.)
Diva nemesis... 
(an old "Elvira" / "Cher" looking woman in a black dress with the same hair as me...not quite as long ...but long) 
The Stage...
  (a floating cafĂ©/ restaurant/ bistro/ wooden deck  in the middle of  a calm sea at night with romantic light bulbs decorated all around.)
i started to sing “unbreak my heart” (and my oh jolly ! I really had a voice like toni Braxton!”) and as I walked round through the patrons that were enjoying their beers and my perfect pitch songbird voice… diva nemesis tried to sing over me and kept walking behind me almost like creeping up on me that made me get goosebumps...

As I walked faster... she walked faster... and the faster I walked... the more my long  hair blew in the wind making it within reaching distance to diva nemesis's hands… (she was totally gonna get into a clawy cat fight with me for sure...)

Then suddenly she started running towards me with this look in her eyes of absolute despise!!! (because apparently I was singing much better than her !) so I knew I had to run for my life.. and I did.

(And here comes the weird part… as if this wasn’t already weird enough)

I ran away from her in my 5"black stilettos... and jumped off the deck but instead of falling into the dark midnight waters around… I actually flew up like an eagle and went all  the way up up up…. And straight down! (which totally made my stomach drop subconsiously)

Then as I was swooping down through the air… I ripped off!! diva nemesis’ head and brought it back up to the sky and (by this part of the dream.. I was suddenly in a third person view of the whole thing)… so all I saw was me (who suddenly transformed into some sort of "chung li" character from the classic "street fighter" game and did a super 100 X hit combo to diva nemesis’s head like a punching bag juggling in mid air with the full moon as the background….

100 x hit combo!!!


Then POOF!!!


I woke up… 

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Miss You...





sometimes when i’m alone in my room, feeling just a little lonely and blue...
it’s safe to say that, i think i miss you...

this feeling is nothing new to my heart, especially when the world sets us apart...
now more than ever, i know i miss you...

every night when i  lay down, in my bed so safe and sound...
that’s because i dream of you here beside me...
i close my eyes and i can see, you and i just meant to be...

this feeling is so true...
a feeling i always knew...
really nothing i can do...
i just miss you...

~ by N!LoC ~ 


Friday, November 14, 2014

I Was A Dream...



a guy had a dream of me... and this was how he described it...

me and him were on "walnut" street... and we had just come from buying some stuff... and i saw something in the window (he can't recall what it was)... but it was something expensive... a piece of jewelry perhaps...

and i literally said to him...

"YOU'RE GONNA BUY ME THAT NOW DADDY!" 

(and i said it loud!... and i stomped my feet !....)

and a lady that was passing by saw us and said...

"for someone so cute... you have such a mouth on you!!"

and then he looked at her... shook his head and told her...

"well what do you want me to do?"

** i'm still in awe that i made a special guest appearance in someone's dreams... kinda makes me wonder what must have been going through his subconscious mind that day... hmmmmm

:-)


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Snap 2.0...


de ja vu' ????

does that tattoo look familiar???

well... hahahah... here's why.... (click here)

boy... i just love going tank top hunting i mean ... "grocery shopping" on sunday mornings...

Monday, November 10, 2014

I Wish For Me...




a perfect day within the time of spring
a man gets down and proposes with a ring
to my surprise i gasp so gleefully
that’s the kinda day i wish for me

loving feelings that lift me up so high
til i start singing mariah’s “butterfly
can’t believe how this could come to be
that’s the kind of day i wish for me

but till the day that i can say “i do”
i have to have my one and only you
to bridge the distance through ocean and sea
that’s the kinda day i wish for me

~ by N!LoC ~


Thursday, November 6, 2014

Snap 2.0...





do u have any idea how long it took me to take these 2 snaps????

i had to hover around him in circles for about 40 mins just waiting for him to stay still!

man this one was tough cookie (literally...lol) ... but it was all worth it...


Monday, November 3, 2014

Singapore Part 5 : A Taste Of Wanting More...


“guess it’s true... i’m not good at a one night stand...”
those are the first words sam smith sings on “stay with me”... And basically that's exactly how I was feeling after my one night stand with that amazing guy who was a complete gentleman throughout the whole experience... 

and i thought i could take my mind off things with another guy i had lined up for some more kinky fun the very next day... but i’ll just cut to the chase...

having experienced 2 totally different guys within more or less 12 hours apart ... it was literally like night and day...

from an older caucasian man...

to a younger asian guy right about my age...

from a passionate take charge kinda bloke who knows what he wants...

to a submissive shy and quiet “softy” who reminds me alot about my own little self...

(and pls note that there is no real mention about their physical appearances... because i know that i can look past the physical stuff and get to feel someone just by an initial connection and great chemistry)

maybe it was the difference in age... (and with age does come great experience)... or maybe it was just how as far as i can remember...i’ve always had this strong attraction to westerners ... and i say westerners... because it don’t really matter if you’re black or white... i just feel like i am built specifically for them...

and what just solidified this fact was... at the Mariah concert later that night... the whole stadium was filled with fabulous gays... and oh so many interracial gay couples (rice queens + asian boy toys) and with every passing rice queen couple i glanced at ... my heart mustered up some bittersweet feelings that went a little like...... DAMM IT! I WANT ME SOME OF THAT TOO!!!! boo hoo :-(

because i’ve had a taste of it ... and now i want more... there is just no going back...

i ultimately know what i want (something i’ve always known as a little gay boy)... and that... it’s a very specific... yet non discriminating preference of what sort of FLAVOUR i want and need in my life...

so... as i was going through a mini emotional breakdown moment on my last day in Singapore after such a whirlwind kinky sexcapade and awesome MARIAH concert... i remedied it with a pig out session with dougnuts... meat on sticks... and a huge slice of pizza... and just as the green gummy worm fortune teller said...

“colin the caterpillar... he is what he eats”

from a stark contrast from my last trip to Singapore.... this time around... i returned home not looking for some kinky fun anymore (although i’m sure that is not quite out of the question lol)

but now i’m looking for something much more... i’m looking for someone who can appreciate my new found love for VANILLA... and my ever sinful CHOCOLATE indulgent kinky desires... not to mention... someone who also finds my cute STRAWBERRY cheesecake sweetie pie personality that would go oh so well with a great dish of “potato salad with chicken slices... (yes... that’s my reference to “white meat” for ya... lol)

and i guess it’s not as bad as i thought .. cuz i have a couple of great guys who i keep in touch with online that are all sorta what i’m looking for...

*one in particular who lives in a certain sunshine state ... (yes, that’s the little mention you asked for..)

:-P 

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Singapore Part 4 : A Taste Of Vanilla...


"colin the Caterpillar... becomes a beautiful butterfly"


yes... vanilla... the flavour that i have never really took any fancy to...

if i'd like to indulge in... (let's say).....ice cream ... i immediately think of chocolate... and when the rare mood calls for something different... i go for sweet cute and pink-hued  strawberry...

but NEVER just plain vanilla...

it just doesn’t satisfy me one bit...

now having said that... i really am just referring to ice cream flavours... but in terms of something more sexual... “vanilla” sex was something i never gave any thought to ... mainly because of how i could never imagine myself getting naked and rolling around in bed with a guy (with all my - body conscious insecurities - and all..) ... and may i remind you... i do have UGLY DUCKLING SYNDROME ! and still cope with it every single day...

sometimes... you can plan and anticipate things until you get blue in the face... but when you get down to it... things just happen... and they can take a turn on it’s own... and that’s kinda what happened with me and a guy i met up with from RECON.

now i am not one to just kiss and tell... (i’m a classy lady... or at least i’d like to think so... lol)... but the entire experience with him from start to finish... was... a surprising eye opener...

it started out kinky (blindfolded "prisoner of war" position and all) and worked it's way backwards from there... and ultimately ended up being a full fledged VANILLA make out session in bed... lol... well i wanted to give him a happy ending with a hand job but he stopped me and said :

" no... i'm not gonna cum now... ...... .... i want you to kiss me..."

(and my god... some part in my mind just went ... YES SIR!!! ... you ask... and you shall receive!!!...)

i experienced alot of firsts with him... mainly being my first time kissing a guy ... cuddling with a guy...  being completely naked with a guy...  Seriously! That wasn't an easy feat for me to do! I totally shed all my inhibitions away and became ... well? ... A butterfly ! Lol !

(there was even a particular moment where his untied wrists from behind his head slowly crept it's way couping a feel up my ass and thigh ... then as his blind fold finally came off and he took one slow long look at my bare naked vulnerable body... and whispered... “baby... you're so beautiful”....)

my heart stopped beating for an entire second... 

and the moment i heard him say that to me... i immediately went “down” and “tasted” something for the very first time... lol  (i guess that’s the right way to win me over and make to me go down on ya...)

again... i really don’t want to dive into too much detail... but... i also gave him something i always wondered about... something that i learned from seeing bob carlisle on an interview on oprah ages ago about his song called “butterfly kisses”... it’s actually a real sappy corny love song but scroll towards the end of the (linked) video to find out what’s it means to give someone butterfly kisses...

when we finally finished up... we had one more last kiss (a few more last kisses actually... hihi)....but on our very very last kiss just before we said our goodnights as he had to leave..... one of my feet automatically did this...

:-)

sigh.... it was a completely un forced reflex action .... it was mind boggling that my twinkle toes kicked one heel up... and i ended up giggling about it uncontrollably...

i may have experienced alot of my firsts with him... but technically i’m still a virgin... and walked away with accepting this for what it really was...

a sam smith song....



Saturday, November 1, 2014

Singapore Part 3 : A Taste Of Things To Come...



gummy worms...

in previous posts “Thirsty” & “A Mariah Feeling”... i mentioned how i would be back in Singapore to see Mariah live in concert... and that was gonna be a real dream come true... and i was determined that i would make another dream come true... a dream that the little gay “boy” inside me has been yearning for all this time... a true moment i have wondered about for what seems for like all eternity...

so...on the first day i touched down in Singapore again.. i went straight to my fav place to do some “grocery store walking” and this pack of gummy worms totally caught my attention ... well... mainly because it had my name written all over it lol!


“colin the caterpillar ...becomes a beautiful butterfly”

seeing it literally made me giggle out loud to myself...  and i also noticed another one which read...

“colin the caterpillar... he is what he eats”

now... little did i know... that these cute and quirky gummy worm thingy’s would actually turn out to be a tell tale sign for a "taste" of things to come....

a "taste" of a particular "flavour" that i didn’t quite anticipate at all ...

(just so you know this is getting a little freaky because... as i’m typing this out... i’m realizing just how all these signs are matching up to be... my name on the gummy worm pack... my fav colour being green... and as i stamped my signature avatar for this blog post pic... isn’t it a coincidence that my avatar is a little birdie.. and what do little birdies like to eat? ... WORMS!!!! LOL!)

and don't even get me started on the whole thing with MARIAH and butterflies :-p



Sunday, October 19, 2014

Ugly...




i loose the weight by starving... yet i don't feel any more beautiful...

i get compliments all the time... yet the belief only lasts for a day...

when tomorrow comes around... i feel ugly ... yet again...


Thursday, October 16, 2014

Endeavor...



There's a thought that makes me feel so warm and tender...

And it can only come from "You And Me"  being next to each other...

"To Touch"... "To Hold"... makes my soft heart start a flutter...

but...

"To be in your arms"... has been my biggest endeavor...


~ by N!LoC ~


Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Snap 2.0...



sometimes... i think i scare myself.....

the things i would do... just to get a snap...

:-)

Sunday, October 12, 2014

More Than Just A Pit...


i always do this....


i look at porn... (a usual repertoire of kinky S&M , bondage and my all time fav...TICKLE TORTURE!!!...) and when it's my "time of the month"... i always get into this little mood of mine... where i'm a little extra emotional over the littlest things... and this was no exception...

while wanking off to this new porn video... (a beefy cute latino hunky male stripper) who is apparently extremely ticklish... 

i felt something... 

something that i'm sure most normal people don't really feel when wanking off to porn... and as i was cumming... i just flashed through some random thoughts of this male stripper?.... is he really just more than a piece of meat? a random one night-for-pay porn star?

as he laughs uncontrollably with ecstasy... i think even more deeper...

how does his girlfriend (or boyfriend?) enjoy his gorgeous body during sex... ? and how would he act around kids? ( lol... i know.. that is a really random thought right there)...

ahhh... and as i have my crude but weirdly inquisitive orgasm... i think to myself...

hmmm... i love that pit of his... but i see more than just a pit...

i see a gorgeous laughing man... that puts a smile on my face... who is in fact the highlight of my boring lazy day...  so i'll just let my dreaming mind drift away into my own little la la fantasy land....

:-)


Saturday, October 11, 2014

Matters Of The Heart...




After such anger with no words left to speak... 
I realize what’s most important (it usually takes a week ;-)
Forgiveness is something tricky but it’s easy for me to do...
When it comes to matters of the heart involving a special one like you...

~ N!LoC ~ 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Snap 2.0...


one of the hottest bodies i've ever seen AVERRRR.....

and get this..... HE'S A FATHER OF 2..... (face plant !!!!)

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Sunday, October 5, 2014

This Is My Confession...



i have mentioned many times before that i like armpits and i love kink... and by kink i mean BONDAGE...

i can't really recall how and when exactly my taste in porn slowly evolved to this... but more logically if i were to put all my fav fantasies and kinks altogether to conjure up one perfect sexual scenario...it would have to be...

a TICKLE TORTURE session :-P

c’mon !... a bound guy at your disposal... arms out and body spread there all for you to run your fingers mercilessly up and down his body?

finding his ticklish spot... and hearing him moan and squirm and even scream for his light hearted form of torture to stop...

i just love making a man laugh with my sense of humour... and i LoVe it even MORE to make a man laugh through physical pleasure...

(there really is something about a guy laughing in complete ecstasy yet unbearable torture that turns me on oh so much)

and man oh man how i love to just touch a man’s body molesting him selfishly...and how great that a high percentage of guys are ticklish in the PITS??!! lol

before i discovered tickle porn... i used to get my kicks off from just hardcore S&M sites... and before that it was armpit porn sites ...and before that it was just any type of porn that had pics with a guy raising his arms!

boy...have i evolved ... and come a long way.... (well actually ... its not really a long way)... haha because its always been about one thing....

and that of course is the ever crazy fetish of the beautiful male form which is my absolute and complete love for male....


ARMPITS!!!!! 

Friday, October 3, 2014

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

How Do I Feel ?...




i check on my phone...
cuz the feeling’s unknown...
do’ya really think of me now...
my mind won’t let me allow...

to just play it all cool... yet i act like a fool...
tryin' to be so smooth... hoping so much that you’ll

(maybe)
 call my name...
(baby)
light my flame...
(yeah)
ain’t no shame of showing how you truly .... feel...

i ask how do i feel?
(head over heels about ya)
cuz i want you to be real...
(you light my mind on fire)

the fact that you’re so sublime... i’m slowly losing my mind...
underneath my heart i try... to keep my mind so pre-occupied...

i wait all night and day...
hope that you text me and say...
even just a simple “hey”...
would make me feel so O K ...

so i say my goodnight...
to nobody in sight...
all by myself for tonight...
and then i let out a...


sigh...


~ by N!LoC ~


Saturday, September 20, 2014

Behind The Writing : It Ain't Easy...



It Ain't Easy... (originally posted on new year's eve 2013)

"one of my ultimate poems...  a very very very personal one... i was at a local tropical resort at the time and wrote it on new year's eve and posted it fresh from the blogging oven... oh man... all the emotions that went into creating this one..."

"when all love is lost... there is really nothing left but to deal with the pain head on... and i am not one to just ignore and fake a smile and pretend everything is okay... it was a hard time... it really was me just holding on to dear "love"... believing in everything that i had was worth fighting for... but in the end... sometimes .. things are just not meant to be... no matter how hard you want them to.. so as a life lesson i had to learn the hard way... love... is...just (sigh).... it ain't easy..."


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Behind The Writing : For The Love Of Me...



For The Love Of Me... (originally posted on 28th November 2013)

"this was about me thinking back on how i thought "love" would just come waltzing into my life right infront of me and then just living happily ever after... but i never though that "love" would be such a dangerous feeling when it comes and consumes every part of you and especially when you have this eerie feeling that "the one" on the other end might not be feeling the same way... it wasn't wise to fall so fast and hard... and with that... my walls have come up and it would take alot to bring them down now..."

** i almost didn't finish this poem because i was stuck and had no idea how to go about with ending this poem... but at last... some fat dude helped me out and gave me a few ideas and lines to write... and that's how i came up with the last 2 lines of this poem...with "September" being the turning point of all of what i was feeling...  ( & ... thanks fat dude !)

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Behind The Writing : Let Go...



Let Go... (originally posted on 17th march 2014)

"i never thought i'd be able to do it... but subconsciously... writing this poem helped me through my first initial steps of dealing with the realization of a simple but ultimate "goodbye"... there is a song called que sera sera - what ever will be will be... and really... it was just me thinking that things don't always work out the way you want them to... and sometimes you really just have to accept that maybe it is fate or destiny or all up in god's hands... such a short and simplistic poem written within mere minutes..."

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Behind The Writing : Sigh...



Sigh... (originally posted on April 1st 2014)

"oh..... i was just writing out loud without any filter... yet as i look back on this.. it really is one of my unexpectedly simple favourites... i didn't even notice that each short paragraph had a contradicting juxtaposition of feelings... and that's really how my mind works most of the time... i just think too much... lol"

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Behind The Writing : Let you Go...



Let You Go... (originally posted on 6th february 2014)

"a little anthem of sorts i wrote out just to get by... lol ... if you can notice the time frame towards the end of 2013 and the first quarter of the 2014... i posted some pretty awesome stuff on my blog about letting go and finding strength from within to just deal with heartbreak... realizing about... how in life... u just need to dump the jerks out of your life"

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Behind The Writing : The Simple Things...



The Simple Things... (originally posted on January 18th 2014)

"this one was very straight forward and self explainable... i threw in the whole GOLD IPHONE reference because it would have been the best present ever if someone were to give me an iphone 5s as a gift... but i bought it as an xmas gift... for MY SELF..... (i even attention'ed the greeting card to "me"... sad but true...)
i have gal friends who have had the latest phones given to them on a silver platter by their generous boyfriends as annual gifts all the time... and i was always envious of them and wondered what it would really feel like if i was on that receiving end... but that's beside the point... i really don't expect anything superficial like expensive gifts to make me smile... and that's why such a simple thing like "liking" my stuff on facebook is such an epic gesture for me...
something so simple... yet it has such meaning to me... especially when it was comming from a person that i really cared so deeply about... yet in many ways... this poem was more like a plea for attention... and my plea unfortunately went un noticed...  woooosh..... :-( "
  

Friday, September 5, 2014

Behind The Writing : I Died...



I Died... ( originally posted on 6th july 2014)

"this could have took a more dramatic turn into more darker territory but a topic like suicide is something i really do not want to blog about.... but more importantly it was more like a figure of poetry... sigh... what can i say? i was just bored to DEATH.... and i was over thinking myself into a mental state of - life is useless - life is not worth living - i have no purpose in life - my life is going nowhere etc....
i am one to always look back in retrospect thinking about life .... and how much i have not lived... and that just pulled me more deeper into my "i could just die" moment... and believe it or not... as i write this... i am still dealing with lazy sunday afternoons... and hoping i don't ever get to that low point of feeling i could die again... cuz at least i know now ...  to counteract that horrible feeling... i should just stuff my face with some chocolate ice cream and call it a day.... and if all else fails... i could always go to my happy place... and have a happy meal... a.k.a MC DONALD'S "

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Behind The Writing : I Am Me...



I Am Me... (originally posted on 12th April 2014)

"breaking free out from my shell... coming out of the hermit hole that i have been living in... turning over a new leaf... or just plain - HAVING SOME F#K!NG FUN!!!- ... call it whatever it is.. but this was me just tired of being the innocent virginal little twinker bell that i was and just throwing all that away... 
this was me getting out there and not worrying about getting hurt or expecting to fall for someone that was just not that into me... as in the 3rd paragraph... i described that i wasn't worried about falling for someone to be on cloud 9 again... i just wanted to try be a total dude... and just look for something less meaning full and perhaps enjoy myself along the way..."

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Behind The Writing : People...



People... (originally posted on 18th june 2014)

" i came up with this in minutes and wrote it on my notes app on my phone... and what brought on this sudden spark of insiration? hah!... it was all because of a very rude and bitchy customer service girl at a counter i was paying my phone bill at.. and that partiuclar outlet has some of the worst customer service people i have ever come across in my life.... and basically a little snarky tone of voice from her just ticked me off and i went all... "f@#k you !.. you faT @SS BIOtch!!!" (but only in my mind ofcourse...)  lol... 
hey i don't potray any sort of public out bursts...i'm a lady!.. i have "class"....       :-p
and so i just took that energy and channeled it to write about all the other horrible people i have met in my life and just took a swipe at everyone i knew... chivalry is dead... and manners are a thing of the past  i tell ya! ..."

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