Tuesday, December 31, 2013

It Ain't Easy...



i know im the kind to always put up a fight
but it just happens to be new year’s eve’s night
tryin to do the “out of mind” ~ “out of sight”
but...
nothing seems right... how did i get here?

so i made my way to a grocery store...
the hagen dazz was really hard to ignore...
haven’t tried all these flavours before...
so...
 guess i’ll let go...  and eat my heart silly...

i just saw a guy...
who looked nothing at all like you...
and i imagined that he was...
but that’s just my point of view...

it’ ain’t easy...
when my heart aches...

i almost wrote a letter...
to tell you how i feel...
but i just think it’s better...
to let this love... end right here...

so...

i will post this now...
and man it’s starting to rain...
trying hard not to allow...
my heart to cause me more pain...

it ain’t easy....
IT AIN’T EASY...
when my heart breaks...


~ by N!LoC ~


Friday, December 27, 2013

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Deeper Than That...



I take one look at a shirtless guy and my insides come rushing full speed ahead…a wave of mixed emotions, fantasies all crashing down on me …

I think to myself… 

"am I just longing for something I have been deprived from for far too long?"

"...or am I just plain horny?"

I have never been a stranger to this feeling as I get this way by the most simplest of things like…let’s say… for instance, seeing a particular guy that makes my brain “chemically react” at the grocery store…

back in the day… when I would see a hawt guy at a grocery store…i would get that “feeling”… and then start putting loads of junk food in my shopping cart... but now when i see a hawt guy at the grocery store... I just stare at him just a little too long til I can’t stare no more... then just brush the"feeling" off withstanding the urge to grab a chocolate bar and shoving it down my pie hole :-)

maybe it’s my biological clock that has finally rang it’s alarm letting me know i'm finally ready for some physical association…

or…..Maybe I just need to get laid ???... but I honestly feel it goes much more deeper than that...

(no pun intended)


 :-P 


** as of date of this post published... i already experienced "some" physical association...  :-)


Thursday, December 19, 2013

Just Friends...



isn’t it funny?

how after all is said and done…

i still thrive to be together...

but you don’t want us 2 become 1...

it hurts when u basically say… 

“baby we are just friends”…

so I’ll put a stop to this now…

and that’s where my love for you ends…


~ by N!LoC ~

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Snap...


awww... i'd like to be the one holding his hand... but...

i guess i'll just have to imagine it....for now...

(sigh)

Thursday, December 12, 2013

You And I...




The distance that's between us…
 Is now the distance within my heart…

And the silence has become so apparent…
It has completely torn me apart...

So disappointed from pure neglect…
I now admit that I've been correct…

We were never really “You and I”
I should have known right from the start…


~ by N!LoC ~


Sunday, December 8, 2013

The Big "O" Part 2...



continued from The Big "O" Part 1...

*keep in mind that i was massaging my dinky winky with my undies and shorts still on... so my erection was all under the circus tent

but this time... i just let the feeling linger... because obviously i was feeling soo damn high with my rock hard erection .. i just didn’t really care if i started to pee (which i thought was gonna happen)....

but little did i know... i felt this Vesuvius eruption of something rushing up my shaft... (again... which i thought was pee on its way)... but BOOM sha KAA laa KAH! i felt a throbbing of some sort in my pants... and quickly rushed to the bathroom to “pee”

but once i pulled down my shorts... and undies to “pee”... it revealed this massive glop of whitish goo which TOTALLY FREAKED ME OUT!!!!!! i thought i just injured myself or something!!!! i literally thought i was some sort of freaky alien that had some freaky mishap of bodily harm while “peeing”

i hyperventilated in the bathroom to the point of silent hysteria... my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking tremendously... i honestly just didn’t have a clue what was happening !!!!

now after that... everything is a blur as i can’t really remember the details of that horrifying and traumatic experience... but let’s just say... after i cleaned myself up... and then FINALLY had an actual PEE! ... i went back to my room and regrouped my thoughts... and slowly realized... that what just happened was something that my stupid horny male classmates were joking and making fun of all this while... and i finally understood what just happened...

what i did was apparently “masturbating”... and the white goo that just came shooting out of me was apparently “cum”... eureka!!!!!


so that’s how the story goes for my very first time masturbating and how i experienced my very first big “O”...

:-)

Thursday, December 5, 2013

The Big "O" Part 1...


i had my very first orgasm watching oprah winfrey...

as bizarre as it sounds for a little gay boi like myself... it’s not exactly what you may be thinking (blush blush)

see... i do believe it was when i was in high school when oprah still had her day time talk show... it used to be a daily constitutional for me to come home from school and watch the 1pm repeat of her show... but on this one crazy day that i get to live to blog about as embarrassing as it may seem... also involves a vibrating back & neck massager...  

now this “massager” was something that my parents used from time to time... but i never thought of putting 2 and 2 together and mind you (at that particular time... i still didn’t know the meaning of “masturbate”)... yeah... me ... a high school kid still unaware of wanking off?... boy oh boy was one hell of a late bloomer...  

i don’t know what got into me... but as i was watching oprah i just turned on the massager thingy and slid it up and down on my dinky winky and started to get an erection... and i thought to myself ...

“whoa this feels kinda awesome!”.... 

and so i just let it vibrate on low for a brief moment or so until i got semi hard and suddenly felt like i was going to pee...

(i thought hmmm? this is weird? why do i feel like peeing all of a sudden?) and so i went to the loo... and tried to pee... but nothing...

and so i made my way to my room ... laid on my bed and continued “massaging” my goods  thinking  “gosh ! why didn’t i think of this sooner??? this feels so frickin good!!!!”.... and as the moment went by... my hard on was getting harder and harder and harder but through it all  i was still wondering...


“why the hell do i feel like peeing again???” 

continued to The Big "O" Part 2...

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Tell Me How You Feel...




what year was this? gee... i dunno...  (i don't want to back date myself) lol!

but i do remember very strongly as a young pre teen... this music video was what started my infamous infatuation with tanktops...

i had dreams about being her in a music video....being all pretty ,wearing a tube top and dancing flirtatiously with a hot sweaty skater guy fresh off the half pipes.. oooooo

well here it is... a classic vintage pop video that literally helped shaped my tank top desires....

Joy Enriquez ~ Tell Me How You Feel (Music Video)

Thursday, November 28, 2013

For The Love Of Me...



when i was young... i thought i knew everything
a man i wished for... would walk into my life
but now my heart’s wrecked and broken and laid out on the floor
never knew better than to take my own advice...

i thought ...

it was all so possible...
you put a smile on my face...
then it was impossible...
when i fell in love in the first place...

so for the love of me
i want to not remember
what made me think that it was wise
to fall and fantasize

for the love of me
since this past September
time went by... i didn’t "cry"
as i write my life on this rainbow sky


~ by N!LoC ~

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Snap...


guess where i am?

i am at a meat market....

and i spy me some juicy red  mmmmmm

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Realize Part 2...



continued from PART 1...

ok i want to be respectful of the guy and not give away juicy details or the play by play of what literally happened during our session but I can tell you this much... 

There was no kissing on the lips, blowing or f*#<!ng involved (I didn’t even cum...) not because I didn’t get hard, it was just because I didn’t even think about it... I just tied his hands up, fondled and molested his body for a good while and ended it with me giving him a hand job with a happy ending...

now through all of this I discovered something about myself which I kinda knew all along... 

"I am such a giver"...

I give and give and give and just aim to please by giving... And I seem to transform into this sultry little borderline slut minx behind closed doors! (I guess I get that from watching too much female 2 male fetish porn lol!) but above all, I discovered that even though I thoroughly enjoyed myself (for this technically being my first official physical experience), there was no connection behind my kisses, there was nothing behind my seductive touches, it was basically on the surface all the way, as superficial and empty as it could possibly be... (don't get me wrong... i have to stress the fact that i really did enjoy myself!)

Which made me think?... hmm... if It feels this good doing it with with a guy who I just basically met for the third time, I can only imagine what it would be like to do this with someone special , a boyfriend?, a lover? Perhaps?...

 it would absolutely be mindBLOWing!!!!  (pun intended!!!) 

And funny enough....just like how this guy was the first one who made me realize that my personal kinky preference was specifically "BONDAGE" and not "BDSM", this time around he made me realize something else… 

and so the moral of this story is...

 “I needed to have sex... to know that I want to make love”

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Realize Part 1...



"isn’t it funny how when you finally stop looking...that’s when things start to happen?" 

See, Not too long ago i made a conscious decision to stop trying to find gay friends both online and in real life because honestly, it really takes an emotional toll on ya with all the hi’s and (non) good bye’s and the endless sudden disappearing acts bundled together with lies on top of lies on top of more lies to make a foot high sour cream parfait...

i just got so seriously bored of all the (hi.. top or bottom?) introductions, gosh… do gay guys know how to start a decent conversation anymore? 

Anyways, just when I decided to delete all my gay social apps and even my most favorite fetish kink app “RECON”… the boys from my past just started flowing in ALL AT ONCE! (I couldn’t believe they all still kept my phone number!) 

and one of them in particular as mentioned in my last blog post “My Little Black Book: Revelation…” basically texted me out of the blue again  for a “hook up” and you know how the saying goes…”third times the charm” and it was indeed!   

the only reason why I decided to go through with it this time around was well I guess he came in at the right place at the right time and he played all his cards right...and what I mean by that is that he basically was so accommodating and gave me total control of the situation.

He said “I will play by your rules”.... And “if you are not comfortable with this, you don’t have to do it” 

(ok? A guy who meant business and wasn’t pushing it) and so we made our way over to his house and the fun began...

continued to PART 2...


Saturday, November 16, 2013

My Little Black Book: Revelation...



"...every now and then... i find myself doing a little soul searching about why is it just so hard for me to find a decent guy to call my own... and in this particular episode of my life... i looked back on my experiences with guys that just make me wonder... where are all the good guys...?"

SUB GUY ~

this guy started chatting with me first... he said my profile caught his attention and  stood out from the rest because it had a long introduction and he liked what he read on my blog (which was linked on my profile)

boy oh boy!... was i extra happy when i found out that he also had a profile on another gay kinky fetish app... and i knew then ...i just had to meet him...he was potential boyfriend material... smart and intelligent... assertive and had many things to talk about... 

he talked about his obsession with being degraded and humiliated by a "dom" and he made me open up about my own fetishes and by the the end of the night... he proposed that we should try some of those things out ...but i politely declined as sweetly as i could because i was unsure... and i was not turned on by him ... not because he wasn’t an attractive guy... but because it was my body’s natural way of telling me that i really liked this one... (hey! when u really like a guy... the last thing you think about is sex right?)...

well he went M.I.A for  few months before suddenly popping out from the blue and contacted me again... asking me to go grocery shopping with him... (i was bored... it was a lazy Sunday afternoon... and so i thought “oh what the heck?” )...

it was really nice going grocery shopping with someone (other than my mom lol!)... it was a taste of what it would feel like to have to do this seemingly mundane thing with a boyfriend ...i told him all about the best deals and what brands of toothpaste, soap and dishwashing liquid he should get ... and he even asked me for my opinion about which car air freshener smelled better... (i of course chose the one that smelled like zesty ORANGES!! hmmm my favorite !!! hihi)...

on our drive back we stopped by an empty playground near his place and he pulled down his pants to show me his penis (yes... it happened so abruptly)... which was enclosed in this silicone cock cage with spikes all around... and he asked me to play with it.... which i again politely declined... (weird right???)

later that night we went to watch “epic” ... he just came from his cousins wedding and he wasn’t wearing his glasses... (oh he looked so nice)... we had a great time... but in the end i found out that he had a boyfriend.. which made me wonder...

why on earth did he get me in his car earlier to drop his pants  and show me his tortured confined cock ?  so weird?... (i guess he just used me to just get a thrill of showing his willy)...

well....either that or he just wanted to get my expert advice on grocery products hmmm lol

f.y.i. he was the guy that made me realize that my kinky preference was BONDAGE as written in a past blog post (click "HERE") to read...

** as of the date of this published post, me and sub guy had a kinky session together... and it was awesome !



Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Don't Call Me Huney...



You…
and me…
we know we got some his~to~ry…

and me…
I know I’m always such a fool…

for you…
but since I’m not that kind of cool…
with things that’s happ~enin' around ya…
don’t know what to do…

you don’t “like” me…
the way you really should…
am I misunderstood…?
why don’t you take a f#ck!ng look…

on your ~ FACE BOOK! …
you seeing what I see…?
So now it’s gonna be…

DON’T CALL ME HUNey !

you know them other boys are things I never knew…
looks like you really got ~ a few…
so it’s time for me to stop ! this ! crazy !…
there will be nothing more from me…

so...

DON’T CALL ME HUNey !


~ by N!LoC ~


Sunday, November 10, 2013

Snap...


excuse me sir.....

there seems to be a piece of lint on your tank top....

do you need me to brush it off for you?

right there on your back.....

or maybe i'll just "blow" it off you....(giggle giggle)

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Your Bad...



i saw it coming...  it’s not any surprise...
i wanted to believe... but i knew all was a lie...

how good of an act? yes... i’m still amazed...
told all your stories... just glad i wasn’t phased...

you said you were good...
you said you were nice...
you said you were everything...
so i rolled the dice...

now disappear into dust... forget we never met...
move on to your next... someone more stupid i bet...

although the thought of "us"... i’ll admit was sublime...
it really could’ve been... so it’s “your bad”... not mine...

~ By N!LoC ~

Sunday, November 3, 2013

My Little Black Book :Young & Old...


"...every now and then... i find myself doing a little soul searching about why is it just so hard for me to find a decent guy to call my own... and in this particular episode of my life... i looked back on my experiences with guys that just make me wonder... where are all the good guys...?"

UNCLE QUEEN ~

oh... met up with this older guy in his early 50’s and actually hit it off straight away! we kept the conversation going... talked about his wife and his kids and it was all rather interesting... he was the one and only guy that paid the bill for our green tea lattes... and at the end of the night.. he walked me to my car and totally stole a kiss on my cheek! together with a side strangling hug...

we did plan to go to a gay club together one weekend but it never transpired because he just disappeared into dust and never heard from him again...

(gosh... i still can’t believe he totally kissed me in public !)

LAB BOY ~

right after uncle queen, i started chatting with this tall cute and nerdy guy who was much more age appropriate for me... we had such chemistry on chat that we just had to meet up... and his work place was just minutes away from where i lived! (how great was that???)...

 we had late night drinks one Friday and after that we did an impromptu date walk at a park nearby... everything went great.. it was the closest thing to a perfect date i ever experienced... we even continued our conversation on chat  when we got home...

but then after that a few things happened over the next few days...and i even wrote about it in a post called “The Truth About Me” where i guess maybe he just wasn’t that into me... 

he too disappeared into dust right after april fools day when i posted a picture of him on his facebook page shirtless by the pool and  photoshopped a flower bra and lipstick on his face... apparently he didn’t take it too well... because he kinda scolded me and said a few nasty things and deleted the pic almost immidiately !


(shesh! some people just don’t know how to take a joke!)

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Fly Again...




i am in a place between heaven and earth...

where my feet are planted firmly on the ground... and my head still up in the clouds above...

looking up to the sky... i feel that i am one with the birds flying freely through the open air...

i hurt myself many times before... i fell so fast and fell so hard... tumbled down and lost myself...

this time around... i have mended my broken wings... because wounds will heal and scars will fade...

and now i am ready... to learn how to fly again

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Lazy Afternoon (I Die)...



so it’s 4pm
and i still feel beat
baked a cake again
but it ain’t that sweet

i’m pretending to be
“i feel great!” ... (i’m fine)
but the next thing i feel
is so out of line

so... i watch “the proposal
wish that i could hold ya
what the hell i’m thinking?
my mind so awfully freakin

alone again...
so bored again...
want more again...
so i find someone new

what's the time?
i feel all alone
it’s 4.49
as i sit at home

wondering what to do
since like half past 2

i feel i die...
baby i die...


~ by N!LoC ~



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