Sunday, January 29, 2012

Last dance...





let's take this last dance together...
because i love how dancing with you makes me feel...
and as we dance...i hope you realize that...
i'm always gonna be a dreamer who dreams...

~i think to myself~

what makes me stay when our world falls apart...?
why can't i let go when i've just had about enough...?

~because~

i imagine "us" just like a flower...blossoming as it grows...
if you cut it off ... how beautiful the flower... you'll never know...

~as the music comes to a slow finish~

are we still in a closed hold embrace...?
or did my dreaming heart make a wish...
a wish that came true...
that we are finally face to face...


~N!LoC~


(soundtrack of the moment)


Last Dance ~ Sarah Mclachlan


Friday, January 27, 2012

Touch...




i have so many things to say...

but words can only mean so much...

if only there was a way...

for you to feel my touch...

 ~ N!LoC ~


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

If I Let You Go...






if i let you go...

will i ever know...

what my life would be... holding you close to me...

will i ever see... you smiling back at me ?

how will i know....

if i let you go...

~westlife~


Sunday, January 22, 2012

Heart Of Stone...




it seems that "caring" in general... has gotten me trampled all over by people who i actually call my friends...

i can name countless instances from xmas 2010 until now that made me open up my eyes about those friends....


"over the years...i've met a few...and kept the old...because one is silver the other is gold.... "

but when does it come a point to just throw up the towel and call it quits with that special bond called "FRIENDSHIP" ???

this is no ordinary rough patch... this is a big deal to me... especially with one close friend in particular...

in a recent blog post called PICTURE THIS a close friend put me down in ways you can't even imagine... and after all was said and done... the soft hearted little kid in me just reached out to console her over her break up with her boyfriend (because she needed me)...

i made her laugh...and we shared a special "moment"...  (putting all my disappointed feelings of hurt about her aside when she in turn wasn't there for me when i needed her unconditional friendship the most)...

next thing i know... when i checked in on her the next day.. she totally cut me off telling me basically that...

IT'S NON OF MY BUSINESS AND TO DROP THE SUBJECT !!!!!!!???????

wow...

and to think ...all i asked her was ...."are you feeling any better today?"

there is just only so much bashing that i can take ...

my heart is turning to stone as the days go by having a friend like that ... who treats me like her personal "sounding board"...(like i don't matter at all)...

i used to be called "heart of stone" in high school (just one of my many nick names)...and it would be a shame if i had to resort to going back to being that stone hearted boy that i once was...

because sometimes... i think "caring" too much... is just not worth it....

:-(

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Building A Mystery...



mona lisa


if you said i was the cure...why do u make me feel like poison ?
and why did you leave me in the rain with no rhyme or reason ?

as i drift away in my ocean of tears... with no lighthouse in sight...
i wonder, will you come searching for me... to make sure if i'm alright ?

and if the weather becomes stormy... with winds blowing us further apart...
will you even realize... that you hold a special place in my heart ?

so many questions left unanswered...
as they slowly become a mystery...
is it a smile or is it a frown ?
just like mona lisa... by leonardo DAVINCI

~N!LoC~


Monday, January 16, 2012

Alone In The Dark...





i find myself suddenly put in a dark empty room... and can't see anything that's around me...

i don't know where to go or how to move in the darkness... harbouring my fears of insecurity...

i don't know if the door is open...and more importantly what if the door is closed shut and locked ???

my insecurities slowly turn into feelings of abandonment and rejection...

it would seem so easy to wait for someone to save me when the chills settles in... i always foolishly romanticise about someone saving my life ... (i've always been that way)

but i won't do that anymore...

i can't do that anymore...

i will just have to find my way...and make it out someway somehow...

on my own...

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Rainbow's End...







i know... there is a rainbow
for me to follow...
to get beyond... my... sorrow

thunder... precedes the sunlight
so i'll be all right...
if I can find that
rainbow's end

i will be all right...
if I can find that
rainbow's
end

~ Mariah Carey~


Monday, January 9, 2012

Picture This...




you have a friend...

a close friend...

and when a close friend says...thoughtless and insensitive things at times just when you need her unconditional friendship the most...

what do you do...?

she hurts you with vague negative remarks and indecent comments and makes immediate assumptions without knowing your whole story...

she re butts with sentences that makes you feel like its a competition...a race... a GAME...
telling you things that put you down...making you feel stupid and silly... making it a point that your problems are less important than hers...

and before you try to say anything else.. she keeps rolling out the punches... on and on and on...and on again...

then changes the subject to something that is OBVIOUSLY so inappropriate (basically saying boo hoo 2 u!!! ...yippie 4 her!!!)...not taking the time to see the BIGGER PICTURE as to how much you are hurting inside... shoving her happiness in your face with a total sense of pride...

totally disregarding the entire reason for the conversation...the conversation with a close friend...just when you needed her unconditional friendship the most...

all i have to say is....

"i was there for you... but u weren't there for me..."
:-(


(UPDATE : AS OF 9TH JANUARY 2012 , CLOSE FRIEND AND HER BOYFRIEND BROKE UP AFTER 8 MONTHS OF BEING TOGETHER..."karma" can be such a scary thing.... yikes!!!)

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Thank You...



"i love you" . . . "thank you". . .


life.... imitating art... imitating life...

i recalled a certain moment in a movie i watched ages ago.. where a girl says "i love you" to a guy... and instead of saying "i love you too"... he says....

THANK YOU

now... it isn't a surprise that the story of my life has a tendency to somehow reference certain moments in movies or on tv or in songs...but this time it was a bit.... "whoa" because...

that scenario kinda happened to me...recently...i said those 3 words... to someone..and i got only 2 words back... and i wished the 2 words i got back were "F*CK YOU" instead of "THANK YOU"...(i just had to laugh it off)

and i was busting my brains out trying to figure out what movie it was that i watched ages ago that had that moment... but funny enough... just last night... i was watching that great new tv series called NEW GIRL and how ironic.....????  that the exact scenario was played out in that episode as well..???

coincidence? hmmm...

i wasn't joking when i said many times before that really... sometimes... my life is....

... imitating art ... imitating life...

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year...





2011

what a year?... well nothing much really... my life is as boring as it gets...but a few things worth pointing out....

i started this blog back in september..and so far so good... i never would fathom that page views would even come close to 5000 (let alone 500)..it's been hard sometimes dealing with the usual blogger's block...but i hope i never run out of juice.. because if there is one thing i know i love ...

it's writing....

and maybe one other minor highlight of 2011... is meeting a "special" (ricequeen) guy online..and going through the up's and down's and even more DOWN'S of a LDR (long distance relationship)...and just like how i never would have thought i'd get close to 5000 page views on this blog... i never really thought we would have lasted this long in a LDR...

8 months and counting..

anyway...to all the random readers who bothered to stroll through this blog and even left comments (you know who you are)...and to all the facebook people who bothered to "like" my GAY BLOGS facebook page (you know who you are.....all of your pics are on the facebook widget to the right)

all i want to say is ...thank you for reading...

:-)
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