Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Ugly Duckling Syndrome...




ugly duckling syndrome (UDS)

i was unattractive as a young teen... i had low self esteem and was so insecure with my self.. it didn't get any better during high school...and it remained that way all throughout college....

i was flubby and down right ugly ...well...i was just ..."FUGLY" (a "meangirls" moment)

since then i have lost weight...and i am finally skinny and lovin it... but somewhere at the back of my mind... i will always feel the ugliness... and i still don't consider myself "attractive"...and if i even try to accept that...my reflex emotion would tell me "oh i'm so conceded"...

the other day my boifriend sent me a text and called me ..."handsome"...

what was i to think?... i thought he was mocking me..i thought it was a joke...i didn't believe him... (sigh)

this is just one of the small consequences of having UDS...maybe through his eyes... i'm "handsome"..but i just don't see it one bit...my mindset has been programmed during my early years growing up... "i'm ugly ....i'm ugly...i'm ugly..." so when someone suddenly throws. .."you're handsome" in my face...i just don't know how to take it in....do i say ..."thank you"??? (oh so conceded)....

i'm sure if i had a boifriend like him when i was in my teens.. i would have earned up some points in the self esteem department..and probably wouldn't be this way today..
 

1 comment:

Tim Vernon said...

I'm not even going to read this one

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