Monday, October 10, 2011

I Did Not Love...


"shame on YOU if you fool me once.. shame on ME if you fool me twice"
                                                                                                             (Life Goes On ~Leann Rimes)

i take the word love** very lightly nowadays because the guy who "played" me threw it in my face just after 2 weeks of knowing me...and for a split second.... i almost believed him..

i was just so high from the euphoric (wow, someone actually likes me!?) and the (could he be the one??) feeling that i was totally blinded by his toxic ways and the signs of "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU"
he really never once asked me about my day... or how was i feeling or...even try to get to know me a little better...i was the one doing all the "getting to know you" part...

and now that i look back on it... it was such a "one way" thing with him...i was just a little too cheap and needy with my emotions..i should have played the GAME OF LOVE like my friend always told me to ....but i threw my pride out the window for him.. i was just being me..."easy, breezy, beautiful, cover girl "me"

i call my self stupid for how i could be so blind for a guy but with every bad experience... i learn something new and grow from it..and i actually feel thankful for him doing what he did to me... not all 1st experiences have the "rainbows and butterflies" effect...it was just so demoralizing to have my 1st borderline boyfriend experience turn out the way it did

this song practically sums up everything that happened and what i was feeling...

keeping in mind love** was not something i felt for him.. because i have this description of wordless feelings in my mind of what i think love "is" and "should be".... and with him....

 it didn't even come close...




When You Love** Someone Like That ~ Leann Rimes & Reba McEntire


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